My brain says no but my pants say off.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We left the knife in your bed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
