My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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