Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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