the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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