Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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