break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
