Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
