Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
