She said her name was "party"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
