doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
