i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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