there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Will exercising make me less horny?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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