Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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