Yo dont text me then not text me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
