I murdered the dance floor call the cops
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We got so high we made milksteak
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
