and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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