I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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