she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
