seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
