my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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