they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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