I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
