I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
