My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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