Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
