Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
