Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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