Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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