I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
