She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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