The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
