I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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