You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
