Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
