We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
