I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
