I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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