i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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