Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
