she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
