apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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