actually, I'm a sock model
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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