I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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