So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
