Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
