hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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