i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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