Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
