Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
