It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
