I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
