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Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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