i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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