break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
