my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
