I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
