I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
