I'm lost and stupid without you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize