i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
