So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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