Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
