i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
