like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sober January is a disaster.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
