I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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