I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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