you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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