last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want nice things and good sex
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
