I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
